


three words that became hard to say

by justpalsbeingals



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: 5 Times, 5+1 Things, Canon Compliant, F/F, Fluff, first I love you
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-26
Updated: 2020-05-26
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:07:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24380308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justpalsbeingals/pseuds/justpalsbeingals
Summary: Even though Ava doesn’t get a chance to say what she wants, she’s okay with it, because she knows another moment will come. Now they have all the time in the world.or5 times Ava didn't say I love you and one time she does
Relationships: Sara Lance/Ava Sharpe
Comments: 22
Kudos: 170





	three words that became hard to say

**Author's Note:**

> apparently the only thing that gives me serotonin anymore is writing, so enjoy the fruits of me procrastinating on studying for my grad school exam
> 
> also i never write in present tense, so this was a different tone for me; still not sure how I feel about it, but here it is
> 
> title from I and Love and You by The Avett Brothers

i.

The first time it happens, they’re back on the Waverider. Mallus is dead, and Amaya is on her way back to 1942, and everyone's a little sad, but mostly happy because they just saved the world again. Ava and Sara are in Sara‘s room for the first time since the night they broke up. Ava should be thinking about what comes next, but instead, all she’s thinking about is the conversation they had back in the saloon. 

_Did you mean what you said the last time we saw each other?_

_When I told you to run?_

_No, before that._

_Oh, oh you mean when I told you I loved you._

_Yeah._

_What do you think?_

Ava had stumbled over her words because even if she knew what she thought, she wouldn’t have been able to get it out. But Ava was hoping, hoping with Mallus gone they would get back together, hoping that things were going to be okay now. Sara sits down on the bed and pats next to her, inviting Ava to her side. 

Ava’s thinking about what to say when Sara says, “Things are going to be different now.” Ava’s heart drops for a second because different means they won’t be together, different means no more missions and saving the world.

Ava’s body language changes. She wants to curl up inside herself or portal out of here. Anything that would stop Sara from rejecting her another time. Sara grabs Ava's hands, immediately grounding her. She pulls Ava back out of her thoughts.

Sara continues her statement, a small smile coming to her face. “Better, I hope.”

Sara doesn’t even have to elaborate because Ava knows that better means together, better means fighting demons and evil and fixing the timeline as a unit. And then Sara’s talking about Aruba, how Mick hasn’t shut up about it since they first had to get Julius Caesar out of there, and how her team is going to go on a vacation. Ava so clearly hears the lack of an invitation. Her heart is dropping all the way out of her chest, into her stomach, no, lower than that, all the way out of her body and onto the floor, before Sara squeezes her hands and brings her right back to reality. 

“I get it. It’s your team. You need to be with them. They do better without me there.” 

Sara is shaking her head as if she hasn’t heard anything this ridiculous before. 

“No, the team would love you there. They’re probably going to ask why I didn’t invite you. I just want to do things right this time. Not that last time was bad…” Sara trails off. She doesn’t want these words to come out wrong.

“It was perfect, every moment with you is so good, but I want to do things the right way. It’s not like I want things to be normal-” For a second they’re both chuckling, thinking about how normal worked out so well for them last time. “I want to let things develop between us because I meant what I said. I care so deeply for you”. 

Suddenly not being invited doesn’t feel so bad. Not being invited means that Sara wants a future when she gets back from Aruba. All Ava can think about is telling Sara how much that means to her, how much _she_ means to her. Ava’s about to declare that she feels the same way, but before she gets a chance, there’s a crash in the next room. Zari is chastising Mick. Then there’s a grunting noise followed by another smash, probably a beer bottle. 

Sara is chuckling. “Come on, let’s go get the kids.”

Even though Ava doesn’t get a chance to say what she wants, she’s okay with it, because she knows another moment will come. Now they have all the time in the world. 

ii.

It's one week in Aruba, and then Sara and Ava are back together. Sara is standing in the kitchen working on dinner while Ava watches. She’s watching the shorter blonde bob back-and-forth, shuffling from one foot to the other like Sara just can’t let herself stand still as she dices onions. 

Ava’s a little swept up in what is happening. There’s a domesticity to all of this, one she never expected to have. Sara is wiggling around, practically dancing, even though there’s no music playing. There’s just the sound of the TV in the background as the oven warms up. Ava could get used to this, could get used to Sara standing next to the dish towels teaching her a recipe that Quentin used to make. 

Sara doesn’t even know that it’s happening. She’s focusing on sliding her knife back-and-forth over the cutting board. She doesn’t know that Ava’s about to open her mouth and return those three little words from the saloon when the oven dings because it’s finally preheated. Sara calls her over to help with the next step, so Ava figures she can wait. There will be more nights and more dancing in the kitchen and more opportunities for Ava to tell Sara she loves her.

iii.

They’re in the galley of the Waverider and Ava is shaking her head because sometimes she can’t believe this is an actual functioning time vessel. Her girlfriend’s team is able to save the world, but right now, nothing seems further from the truth. The Legends are running around, hollering at each other, thumping on the table as they play flip cup. The Waverider has basically been taken over by frat guys in the form of 30-something-year-old superheroes from the past and from the future. 

Ava can’t believe that this is what she’s gotten herself into, that this is what she signed up for by saying yes to Sara. Ava definitely didn’t expect to be the one at the end of the line where she will face off against Mick for the final chug and flip.

The whole team is egging Ava on, and if she loses, they’ll never let her live this down. Zari slams down her fists on the table after successfully landing her lemonade cup. She looks expectantly at Ava who is now raising her cup, emptying it in one gulp, placing it on the ledge, and getting ready to flip. She’s trying and trying again. Mick has finished his beer in two seconds and is now fumbling his hands, attempting to flip over the cup nice and gently.

Everyone is cheering because suddenly, Ava‘s cup lands face down. Mick is grumbling, but everyone else is shrieking with excitement. Who would’ve thought that Ava Sharpe would be the one who just led her half of the table to drinking victory. Sara runs over to Ava, literally sprints, and somehow picks her up off the ground to spin her around in a circle.

Ava‘s looking down at her. She’s never felt as light as she feels in Sara’s arms. Maybe it’s the alcohol in her system or maybe it’s the fact that drinking games are surprisingly aerobic, but Ava’s never felt this warm before either. Before she can even think about if this is the right moment to say I love you, Ava is opening her mouth. She’s stopped by Mick’s hand patting her shoulder from behind. Ava flips around to see a beer extended in her direction. 

“Here.” 

That’s as much of a congratulations as Ava is going to get from Mick. She accepts the drink with a nod and a smile. Then they’re both being corralled by the rest of the Legends who are ready for another round.

iv.

Ava’s perched on the living room couch holding a cup of water, the only light coming from the soft glow of a corner lamp. It’s 1 A.M.. Ava woke up from a dream that she can no longer remember the plot of, but the feeling of helplessness and fear that stuck with her means it was probably something clone related. While Ava’s pretty good at helping Sara with her nightmares, Ava tends to stay silent during hers. 

Rather than awaken her girlfriend, she silently slipped out of bed, moving to the living room to try and calm her nerves. Ava cracks open a book, just tries to relax. She’s hoping that reading will pull her away from whatever it was that woke her from her nightmare. 

Then the couch is shifting as Sara takes a seat down on the cushion next to her. Her assassin side was showing; Ava didn’t even hear her come down the stairs. Sara is looking at her with big knowing eyes, knows that Ava’s down here because she couldn’t fall back asleep. Ava tells her to go back to bed, but Sara’s shaking her head. There’s no way that Sara plans to leave her girlfriend alone.

Sara gently takes the book from Ava‘s hands, puts the bookmark between the open pages, and places it on the coffee table. She slides herself up into Ava’s arms and flicks on the television in the process. Sara flips herself over now so she’s the little spoon, Ava behind her, arm wrapped around her waist. She clicks the volume down low. Bob Ross is playing in the background, the perfect noise to bring her back to a sense of calm. Ava stares at the TV, thinking that even though she’s not going back to sleep anytime soon, the warm body against her makes things okay.

Sara’s breathing evens out nice and low as she slips back into sleep. Ava presses a kiss to the space behind her ear and goes to mumble the three things she’s been meaning to say for weeks, but then stops herself. Sara should be awake the first time she says it.

v.

They’re in Ava‘s apartment again. Just how her apartment became somewhere that Sara was all the time, Ava wasn’t quite sure. Not that she was complaining.

It’s Saturday night and, for once, there’s no anachronism calling Sara away, no Time Bureau meeting keeping Ava at the office. They’re both relaxing, flipping through Netflix with the goal of finding some scary movie that Sara hasn’t seen before, when the rumbling of thunder has Sara jumping out of her skin.

The unshakable Captain Lance can sit through any movie jump scare, has looked death in the face too many times, but there are some things that shake her deep to her core. The sound of a storm is one of those things. Since the Gambit, all she thinks of when she hears thunder is that feeling of almost drowning, the desperation she felt laying in the middle of the ocean waiting for someone to save her.

Ava recognizes the shift immediately; Sara goes from relaxed, clicking through the categories on her screen, to suddenly gripping the remote so tightly Ava’s afraid it might crack. Sara doesn’t let her fear show on her face, just clenches down on her jaw, breathing slightly heavier than she was a second ago.

Ava’s asking how she can help, and she's perhaps the only person that Sara would let help with this. Sara and her worked out a system for when she woke up from a nightmare; Ava’s hand on Sara's chest to ground her, to remind Sara that she’s real and safe and not alone. With a flip of the light switch, Sara can come back to reality.

But Ava hasn’t seen Sara in a storm before. Normally there’s the dull roar of the Waverider to block out any sound outside, and usually they’re in the Temporal Zone, where there are no sounds to hear anyway. Sara is shaking her head because she’s fine. At least, that’s what Sara’s trying to tell herself so that no one has to take care of her again.

But Ava isn’t afraid of taking care of Sara. Instead, Ava takes Sara‘s hands and removes the remote. She shifts to position herself cross-legged in front of Sara, blocking her view. Ava sees a lightning flash out of the corner of her eye through the window, so she starts talking rapidly.

“Remember that time Zari challenged you to a Mario Kart competition, and then she was surprised when you beat her, as if you hadn’t grown up learning to beat Oliver and Tommy?” 

The thunder makes a noise, but Sara hears it a little less, focusing instead on Ava drawing her back to a memory.

It seems to be working because Ava can see Sara’s shoulders depress just a little. Ava keeps talking, talking about stories she’s heard about the Legends, talking about memories she and Sara share or things that they plan to do for the future. Ava’s talking about anything that’s going to keep Sara distracted enough she doesn’t shake every time the thunder rolls. 

Soon they’re laying down on the bed, Sara koalaed over Ava. One leg is hooked around Ava's thighs, Sara's head against Ava’s chest. Each time the wind starts to howl and the rain pours down a little harder, Sara just squeezes against Ava, clinging onto her like she’s the one thing keeping her here on this Earth.

Ava squeezes right back. It hurts to see Sara like this knowing where the feeling came from. The Gambit destroyed the life Sara thought she would have, and even though the events that followed were what led Sara to her, Ava would do almost anything to take away the pain she felt during those times. 

There’s little she can do to change the past without putting all of time at risk, so Ava takes comfort in the fact that at least she’s here with Sara. Takes comfort in knowing she can at least assure her girlfriend how much she cares about her and let her know that she’s safe. Ava knows Sara could certainly take care of herself, but sometimes she needs other people. Ava feelss privileged to be let in. 

Each time Sara nuzzles in a little closer, Ava’s heart swells with love. She realizes she never thought she’d care this much about anyone, never thought she was capable of feeling a love like this. But it’s not the right moment to tell Sara, so Ava clings onto her a little tighter, starts rubbing small circles on Sara's back, talking about anything and everything until the storm has passed.

+i.

They’re in the parlour and Ava's yelling, actually yelling, at Nate, who’s trying to put down the name of a famous battle site in Scrabble. If Ava does anything, it’s follow the rules. At least, follow the rules of Scrabble. Proper nouns are not in the dictionary, and if it’s not in the dictionary, there’s no way in hell that Nate is putting down a word that will award him thirty two points.

Nate relinquishes. It’s not worth the fight against the taller woman who’s lecturing him. He puts down some regular word to move on to Sara‘s turn.

Sara wears a devious smile on her face as she puts down her letters. It’s a seven letter word: asshole. She looks up to make pointed eye contact with Ava.

“Do you think this is in the Scrabble dictionary?”

Ava’s hands are in a little fists that drop because it’s not worth the argument. Even if all these people play Scrabble by the wrong rules, it’s worth it to have this amazing girlfriend who can hold a whole team, even when they all cheat at board games.

Sara’s still waiting for a response, waiting for Ava to tell her she can’t put that word down or for Ava to get excited because Sara just made a seven letter word and that doesn’t happen too often.

Ava opens her mouth to tell Sara to put the letters back on the rack, but what comes out is, “I love you.” No one else in the room is batting an eye because they figured this has happened a million times already, but Sara stares at her and grins.

“I love you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> as always @justpalsbeingals on tumblr


End file.
